It’s a humbling moment when I realize that I look to others to validate all that I am. A long history of looking inward allows me to see, that just like so many humans that roam the planet, my heart had been broken as a child. A certain set of circumstances growing up led me to reach out so strongly with all of my being in an effort to be seen, to be heard and for the pain I was experiencing in my mind and in my heart to be acknowledged. This pattern of needing validation of others was never broken, but I learned to hide it well as an adult and make it more socially acceptable. However, the deep desire to be validated remains. I know now that the validation I seek, can only be found from that of validating myself. Validation from others is fast burning. It fuels me for a moment and then that empty feeling returns. Although this may all stem from something in the past (something we may not even to able to place a finger on), it is vital that we, I, take 100% responsibility for how I show up and what I bring into this world.
Out of my search for validation and the work I have put in to see myself, I have found 5 ways to whole heartedly accept myself, to self soothe and be my own best friend, mother, father, companion. I share them with you below in an effort to encourage you to become your own best friend. Let the healing begin!
1.) Also known as ‘let it all go’ or word vomit. Depending on my mood, when I find myself feeling stuck I simply allow everything inside of me to pour out into words out loud, on paper or in movement. It’s important to note that I do all of this alone so that I can be as vulgar and authentic in all that I am carrying. I wouldn’t want to scare my husband or my daughter but most of all this is about ME seeing ME- an intimacy (into myself I see) with oneself.
Often, just allowing for whatever comes up shifts my energy and that that I seek is revealed.
2.) Get outside, get moving in nature! Even just opening up a window to let the fresh air and light in makes a huge difference! Nature has a magical way!
3.) Take inventory on what you are grateful for in yourself. Although you can go through all the things that you love about yourself mentally, it is always more powerful to get it down on paper. Again, meet yourself where you are and do what feels right in the moment. Recall that taking time for self-care and recognizing all the things you love about yourself is something to acknowledge in itself!
Consider a “WIN” journal. Every night before your head it’s the pillow, jot down all of your wins, big and small. Somedays this might be nailing a big presentation, others you were just able to brush your teeth!
4.) Take some time to sit quietly with yourself. Allow your heart to be heard. What I find often lies in my heart, is exactly what I need to hear and feel to know I am loved, valued and acknowledged. We have the ability to heal ourselves, but we must be willing to listen.
5.) With your eyes closed, imagine an older, wiser version of yourself nurturing you as you are now. This works wonders if you are willing to accept that time is not simply linear, but it is a moment to moment experience. The wise within you isn’t in the future out there, somewhere not be accessed until later on- it is in this moment if you would like it to be.
I’ve also recorded this meditation that you can check out on healing and self-validating. https://soundcloud.com/user-462525469/love-and-light-healing-2
In closing, if you ever need extra support or guidance, I am here!
Lots of love and light on your path friends.